Waiting for the End
by SamCole
Summary: Songfic. Kazuma is sick of the pain, he regrets hurting his lover and he wants to change things. He wants to love again. Kazuma/Kimishima. Mostly fluff, implied smut. implied Kazuma/Ryuhou


_**Author's Note: Tch, so I love this song…and this is therefore going to be a songfic inspired by the song "Waiting for the End" by Linkin Park. Enjoy, review please!**_

_**Disclaimer: Alas, I don't own the song "Waiting for the End" nor do I own Kazuma, Ryuhou or **__**Kunihiko Kimishima, depressing, isn't it?**_

_**Rating: T**_

**This is not the end  
This is not the beginning  
Just a voice like a riot  
Rocking every revision  
But you listen to the tone  
And the violent rhythm  
Though the words sound steady  
Something empties within 'em**

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air  
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there  
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear  
Until we dead it forget it  
Let it all disappear

Kazuma stared at his hands and decided at that moment that he really didn't want to fight anymore. He was so sick of death and pain but it had thus far defined his very existence. What could he do other than fight?

The Alter hadn't realized he was crying until the tears fell into his palms. Kazuma turned his gaze to the skies and the stars that hung their. The night was clear, a full moon cast a ghostly gleam across his surroundings', the stars looked like a thousand diamonds tossed on a black canopy by some careless god. Kazuma opened his lips and screamed, releasing all the anger, all the _sorrow_ he felt in a single broken cry,

**Flying at the speed of light  
Thoughts were spinning in my head  
So many things were left unsaid  
It's hard to let you go**

I know what it takes to move on  
I know how it feels to lie  
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new  
Holding on to what I haven't got

Kazuma was running though he didn't know where he was running to until he came to a stop. He recognized the front of Kimishima's home and wondered briefly why he had come here, the man wasn't his, not anymore. He wished now that he had never hurt the other male, he wished now that he hadn't been so horrid as to flaunt his stupid affair with Ryuhou in his face, after all Ryuhou had never cared and Kimishima did. So many thoughts were spinning through his mind, apologies he'd wished he'd said, things he wished he hadn't said and done, things he could do to fix it, yet everything was so full of ifs, ands, and buts, that he knew there was nothing that could be done.

But he had to try. How could he let Kimishima go?

The very thought smashed into him like a ton of bricks, for so long he had been able to convinced himself that he could let his human friend go whenever he wanted. Now he realized that he had lied to himself. He was a good liar.

"Kazuma?" Kimishima quirked, surprise written all over his face as he stood in the doorway of his humble home.

Kazuma didn't know what to do or say, he simply stared, mouth agape, tears still clinging to his cheeks and his breath coming out in soft huffs. "Kimishima," he merely whispered.

Kimishima gave him a look, a cold one that made Kazuma flinch inwardly before his eyes relaxed. "Do you want to come in?"

Kazuma almost sobbed with joy but instead nodded and followed his ex-lover inside.

**Sitting in an empty room  
Trying to forget the past  
This was never meant to last  
I wish it wasn't so**

**I know what it takes to move on  
I know how it feels to lie  
All I wanna do is trade this life for something new  
Holding on to what I haven't got**

The human hadn't said anything; he simply led Kazuma to his living room and went to the kitchen to get something. Kazuma starred at the walls in front of him and felt more tears roll down his cheeks. Guilt, longing, despair, love, so many emotions tore through him all at once and he couldn't take it. He hated himself, the past wormed his way through his mind, something he'd tried to forget for some time now but alas, he could never escape it. He had lied to himself, told himself that just like everything else in his life; his relationship with Kimishima wouldn't last.

So he ruined it before it could fall apart. He tried to move on before it was over, he'd lied to himself again. He wished he hadn't. He'd broken Kimishima's heart, he'd screwed up no matter how badly he wished it wasn't so…

**What was left when that fire was gone  
I thought it felt right but that right was wrong  
All caught up in the eye of the storm  
And trying to figure out what it's like moving on**

**And I don't even know what kind of things I said  
My mouth kept moving and my mind went dead  
Picking up those pieces now where to begin  
The hardest part of ending is starting again**

All I wanna do is trade this life for something new  
Holding on to what I haven't got  


"Why are you here, Kazuma?" Kimishima asked as he took a seat on the floor across from his former lover. He didn't sound angry, he didn't sound depressed, no. He sounded tired.

"I'm sorry," Kazuma choked out. "So sorry."

Kimishima sighed. "Kazuma, it's to late for that now."

"Please, listen to me. I didn't ever mean to hurt you-"

"Could've fooled me."

"I didn't Kimishima. I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything it's just. I was so scared. Everything I've ever cherished I've lost, everything I've ever loved, I've lost. I didn't want to lose you. I never wanted you to slip away but gods, I was afraid that you'd leave me."

"So I pushed you away. I put distance between us so you couldn't hurt me and in turn I hurt you. I tried to tell myself I could move on. I tried to tell myself you never meant anything to me. It was all a lie, everything I told myself. I just, I know I have no right to say this but I love you and if you wouldn't mind…I really want to be with you again." When Kazuma finished speaking his hands were trembling and his voice had cracked apart. He didn't know where the words came from, it was like his mind stopped working and his heart took over, speaking for him.

Kimishima seemed surprised and heartbroken. He walked over to the other male and pulled him into a hug.

**This is not the end  
This is not the beginning  
Just a voice like a riot  
Rocking every revision  
But you listen to the tone  
And the violent rhythm  
Though the words sound steady  
Something empties within em**

We say yeah

With fists flying up in the air  
Like we're holding onto something that's invisible there  
Cause we're living at the mercy of the pain and the fear  
Until we dead it forget it  
Let it all disappear

They lay in bed together that night, their bodies intertwined in a familiar but oh so different way. Kazuma knew it wasn't going to be easy but he was willing to fight for what they had. As his eyes studied his lover's form in the moonlight he swore he couldn't be happier. He closed his eyes and let everything slip away, the pain, the fear, the resentment, the anger, his past, and everything else that he'd held onto until this point. All that mattered now was his future with his lover and regaining the trust that he had shattered.

No, it wasn't going to be easy but then again, anything worth trying for required a little effort. The rest would come naturally.


End file.
